Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i believe in u and ur pee
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
