A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize