He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
