feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
