Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
