people are starting to question the shark bite story
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Damn victory sex feels great
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
