You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
