Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
