the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
