I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You made out with two different species that night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize