You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
