Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
