Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
