I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
