On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
