I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
