I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize