you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
