Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
