Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
