If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
