How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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