It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize