It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
