I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
