my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize