break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize