How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
