you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize