I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
