She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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