she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
