He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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