He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
