My first STD was from a foam party
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
