I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
