I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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