ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
love makes seman taste better
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
