Tell her she can't have a vagina
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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