Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
