i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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