How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She announced her abortion via fbk
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
