Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
