You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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