i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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