A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
