didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize