eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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