Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
