maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
