this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I cut my penus on the lid.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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