Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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