I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
