he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
