The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
