Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
