8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
