Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
