Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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