I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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