I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
