I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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