can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
