Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
