Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
