Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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