Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
