Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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