trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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