I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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