"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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