Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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