Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize