here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
