I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
