that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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