Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We had to coat check the pizza.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
