he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
