I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
