i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
