Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
