his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
