Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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