During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
