I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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