I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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