lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
