Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
