WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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