I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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